English mystified

India is credited to be the largest English speaking nation. I am not sure if that is the record for the world or the eastern hemisphere. I am, however, sure that the record stands for Asia atleast. USA might have more English speaking population than India, but unless I see the numbers, I cannot say that for sure.

Despite our pride in holding that record, I find, many a times, that the language being spoken is far from perfect. Much to the comfort of fellow Indians, the language gets distorted in strange ways and, much worse, finds its way into the dictionary. How else do you explain the existence of words like co-brother and prepone? Coining new words may be called as enriching the language with local flavour. Fine! But what do you call improper usage of the language? Rape of the language? You might as well agree to that.

There are regions within India that bring with them their own special flavour of English. Thanks to the diversity that presents itself in its most extreme, you can listen to Yeeguls (Eagles) singing the famous song Hotel California and sing along with your brethers (brother). You can also say "I cant be able to do that" and be understood correctly. You have to isportingly spport (read as sportingly support) the growth of English language. When an immigration officer asks, you can hear someone telling that their Pappa(father) is living in that country and so they have come to visit. The same person will also offer you snakes(snacks) with tea.

Even more funny specimens of written (or printed or painted) English are on shop nameboards, notice boards, sides of the buses and trucks. You can go to a puncher(puncture) repair shop to get the tyre repaired and get a hare(hair) cut for 20 Rupees. You can travel by an otoRickshaw(autorickshaw) or a bublic bes(public bus) which would stop at a certain Eltracity Bord(Electricity Board) bus stop. Some have even translated popular quotes in the local dialects into English. Sample this. You with bad eye, your face black. This is a literal translation of the Hindi saying "buri nazar waale, tera mooh kaala" which means He who has evil intentions may be condemned. I can understand the enthusiasm to write things in English. But this? These only make for interesting jokes!

I soon expect to see Indian websites offering a dropdown on their pages to select the version of English that they would like to read. The English will be of regional flavours! :-)

At other times, the words of the language gain new meanings when added to the spoken dialect. K Ramanathan does a quick roundup of commonly used English word in the Tamilian sense. It is a hilarious read. A "super" one! :-)

To end, here's a pic of a notice that I saw recently in one of the discussion rooms. "Please return the marker blue and black pen's which was in meeting room. Once again request you'll to put back the duster and the marker in the respective place." If you can understand what is being requested, you know you are an Indian! Zimble!! :-)